Ruby Sky Coaching Friendship and boundaries Ruby Sky Coaching

One of the phrases I seem to say most often to my children and husband is “we know that friends can be so disappointing”. 


As a family we have very high expectations of our friends and every time they do or don’t do something that we would like them to, we get upset and vow to never speak to them again and cross them off our (fictitious) Christmas card list!


But of course, we don’t. 


Mainly because they eventually do what we think is the right thing, we give in and forgive them, or we realise that we were being harsh and had jumped to the wrong conclusion! 

Why is this? 


Probably because they are people we have chosen to be friends with and despite the fact that they occasionally read our messages and don’t reply, never contact us first, always turn up late to an arrangement, don’t invite us to everything they do (the list goes on), there is a reason we like them and want to continue our friendship. 


So, what is the solution? 


  • Should we just accept that people are different and give in and do it their way? 


  • Or should we try and understand why they behave in the way that they do and adjust our expectations to align with theirs?


  • Or should we try and educate them in how we would like them to behave so that we can continue to be friends. 


How you behave and react really depends on what you want the outcome to be within your friendship. 


But remember that everyone has different boundaries in their lives:

  • in what they do,
  • in the way that they choose to behave,
  • in how they wish to communicate with their friends and,
  • in what they feel is acceptable in a friendship.


So, when you are deciding how to react to something that has upset you, the best solution is to talk and to discuss what your boundaries are.


Then we can ask the right questions of our friends and react accordingly when we are faced with a situation that we are uncomfortable with or that annoys us. 


Clearly, this is easier said than done. 


But we should have it as an ‘aim’ in our mind and try to address issues as they come up, if we can. 


The moral is that everyone is different.


Every friendship is different.  


We can try to compromise when something isn’t perfect, but we do need to talk and communicate how we are feeling.


Life coaching can help vocalise these feelings and help you explore your thoughts, but your first step should always be to talk to your friend to discover what you both need out of the relationship.



(This article also appears on the Life Coach Directory)



Life Coaching


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